Zombie Road Trip by Miller T. Alex

Author:Miller, T. Alex [Miller, T. Alex]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-05-19T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15: The River

The boat ride wasn’t as much fun as it might have been — not that zombies are looking for fun. In fact, it pretty much sucked. They couldn’t move in it, as the slightest shift in weight would cause the craft to tilt crazily and threaten to buck them out. The river in the street was shallow, and they often bumped and scraped along the bottom. On several occasions, Tim had to take the paddle and push off at the bottom to get moving again. Still, it was moving them at a good clip, and the rain had increased, making it even more unlikely anyone would spot them from “the shore.”

After what he guessed was roughly midnight, the current slowed enough that Tim could sit back and stop worrying they were about to capsize. Marilyn had gone into her happy place, and Tim watched as the street widened, the storefronts grew fewer and farther between and the rain began to slacken. Sitting back against the side of the boat, he pulled out one of the Slim Jims and regarded it.

It had occurred to Tim that, if he had any chance whatsoever of regaining normalcy some day, he’d have to give up the eating-people thing. That would entail the consumption of people food rather than people, and the sterile, highly processed meat substance of a Slim Jim seemed like a good place to start. Somewhere in his submerged memory, Tim had a vague recollection of a guilty fondness for Slim Jims, and though it took him nearly half an hour to get the package open, he beheld its salty, cylindrical form with both wonder and warmth. Placing it slowly between his teeth — which still needed a good flossing from the fat lady feast — he bit down slowly with the expectation of savoring every morsel while noting he wasn’t sure what happened to a zombie when it tried people food. Would he be like a dog, who soon learned he much preferred it? Or would it cause some sort of negative, physiological reaction – an allergic fit, anaphylactic shock perhaps, or terrible hives or boils?

None of that happened. The Slim Jim brought a rush of memories with it — something about childhood, a candy store on the corner, strawberry soda. Although he wasn’t at all hungry, Tim ate it, then peeled another and ate it as well. It pleased him immensely, and he imagined weaning himself off people starting with Slim Jims and other jerky products, then perhaps moving onto raw hamburger meat, steaks and the like before he rounded it out with the full cornucopia of human foods: bread, pastries, cereal and Pop Tarts; oranges, spinach, water chestnuts and Twizzlers.

Well, one thing at a time, Tim old boy.

Lost in reverie over the bright future just revealed to him, it took a moment for Tim to notice the boat had slowed and finally stopped, its bow lodged in a mass of trash piled against a curb. The water had faded down to a trickle here, and it appeared to be the end of the line for the boat ride.

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